my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
from now on my penis is your penis
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
