i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
