we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
