There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
