hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
