Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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