hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
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