Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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