I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize