before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Your cock deserves a montage
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
