if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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