hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
