how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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