how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
