I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
