It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
sarcasm needs its own font
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
