I just pynch a tree in the face
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He has the fingertips of a God
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