You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
