So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
