I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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