You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize