I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
