i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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