everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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