oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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