this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
