You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize