dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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