i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
