someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
