eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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