hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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