I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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