Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
