i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
