There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
