we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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