And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
