I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
