I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
