I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
