I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
