Christians are straight up FREAKS
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
