So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
my poor anus
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
