I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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