I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
