wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
