If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I have fence marks all over my body
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
