I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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