look no pants
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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