I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize