I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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