he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
