i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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