i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
