I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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