Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
handjob tips. give me some.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
