i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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