The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
