Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Randomize
