i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
what day is it and did you see me today?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize