census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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