I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
