My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
