I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
