dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
