How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
my being single is dangerous.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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