I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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