I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
