You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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