So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
