you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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