Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
