so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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