haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
