Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
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