It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
