He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
