I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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