My nipple is on Facebook.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
