I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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