How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you would pick up someone in the library
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize