I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Hippo gnu deer
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
