i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize