Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize