i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Randomize
