I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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