Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize