i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
