We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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