Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
