Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
they need to just BURY HIM!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
