So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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