Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
