Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize