I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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