the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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